Let me tell you now, I love them. Sometimes. But these are the things that bother me about ladyboys (shemales). Not all of them, just certain little things you know?
10. I don’t like the ladyboys that don’t have either fake boobs OR hormone induced boobs. If I wanted to find a boy, I’d find a boy. You’re NOT a ladyboy if you don’t have breasts of some sort – they must be A cup or greater. Personally I like B cups or C.
9. I don’t want to be forcibly grabbed in the bollocks (balls). I don’t know why some insist on doing that – it makes me scratch them off the list of pay for play immediately. I’ll never go with the ladyboys that do this. But, stroke it gently… even firmly – while we’re at the bar – and you’ve made a friend in me – you know?
8. I hate when they don’t shave all the time – they MUST shave. Even when I wake up in the morning with one there next to me – before I get the BJ I want them to shave. Before I see their man face, I want them to shave. I just tell them, before I even look, ‘go shave and don’t show me your face until you have your makeup done and cleanly shaven.’
7. If they’re wired on Ya BA! (Meth) they are too hard to take – too anxious and too much energy – too much worrying about stuff. I don’t need it.
6. “Thai Toe.” I will have to find a picture online of Thai big toe and show you what I mean. It is when the nail is just an oval in the center of the big toe, like it has recessed. The skin in the front is a large area and the thing doesn’t even look like a toe-nail. It’s like Fred Flintstone or something – but it’s an immediate turn-off for me – girl or ladyboy. I refuse to go with any ladyboys that have it. I like smaller feet.
5. HUGE feet! Those are men. I don’t care what the face looks like. Sometimes for the sake of the quickie I need to keep from looking at the feet because that would turn me off big time. If I meet a very tall ladyboy I never look at her feet – so I can fudge her and at least get that out of the way.
4. Abnormal nipples. Boobjobs can go so very wrong here. Especially when they’re only paying 10,000 THB to get it done! I’m not sure that’s what they’re paying, but I know a girl who got a nose job in Isaan for 6,000 THB. So I KNOW some of the boob jobs I’ve seen aren’t that much more complicated. Nor better done.
3. No dimples right above her ass. The dimples signify a real feminine ladyboy. Two cute as hell dimples right at the top of the ass… it is like a fine bottle of German beer when you see it. It gets me going quick and I can’t wait to get her out of the bar and bent over the railing on my porch.
2. In the morning when they want me to ride them home! Yah, I live far from Patong, but hell – I just GAVE you 500 baht or 1000 THB or whatever I gave you. So, go get a 40 baht motorbike taxi you dipshit! I’m not riding around the island with a ladyboy on the back of my motorbike! Are you gender-confused AND insane?
1. The number one reason I really can get pissed off, turned off, and cancel the night without getting beatoff is when the ladyboy has something that doesn’t smell right after losing the clothes.
It could be anything – som tam breath, salty breath, cockbreath, an odor from her ass or bollocks – whatever. If I smell ANYTHING, nothing is happening for us that night and she’s going back to the bar as soon as she finds a motorbike taxi.
The ladyboys KNOW I’m this way – and they’ll actually tell each other about it. Like if I barfine a ladyboy – the others that know me will tell her to clean up really well in the back AND when you get to Jeremy’s place, take a shower first too.
On the other hand, my buddy Marty wants to bone them BEFORE they take a shower! Ha! Yeah, seriously. That’s the only way he wants to bone them!