Ladyboy FAQ

Frequently Asked Questions

There is some new information below that will help you navigate the world of ladyboys (shemales) in Thailand. Ladyboys are a niche topic that has some peculiarities. Use the information below to help you learn more about them, how they act, how you should act, and have a great time when you come to Thailand!

Why are there so many ladyboys in Thailand?

The culture in Thailand is such that Thais’ are rather accepting of everyone, even the hordes (14 million plus) visitors that arrive here from other countries. Homosexuality in Thailand is not looked on as a negative thing overall I don’t think. EVERYONE knows someone gay, katoey, or girls that act as men (Toms). Overall people are much more accepting of it than compared to say, the USA.

Boys that start acting gay at a young age are either encouraged, discouraged, or ignored. Mostly it’s encouragement or ignoring them. There are not clearly differentiated male and female gender roles here in Thailand. Not like in the USA.

In fact, I’ve sort of come to the private conclusion that half the straight men in Thailand could be talked into a gay experience. They just aren’t so set against it in their minds. It’s not an issue.

What do their parents and siblings, friends think about ladyboys?

Like the answer above, they’re either encouraged, discouraged or ignored. Friends usually encourage them or mildly discourage them. EVERYone will laugh when the katoey acts gay to get attention – it’s funny. Same as in Western countries – we laugh too. It’s comedy.

Some fathers will attempt to beat the gay out of the boy – it affects some differently. For the most part teachers and other adults do nothing to discourage and leave kathoeys on their own to do as they will. Thais’ don’t try to change ANYONE’s behavior. They ignore it. They ignore rude people, obnoxious, proud, etc. They let everyone do as they wish basically.

How many ladyboys have their male anatomy? Does it work?

Roughly I’d say that 98% have their male anatomy. It’s expensive for a Thai to get the operation. Though many foreigners pay for it for the boy so he can be the foreigners boyfriend. A cheap operation goes for somewhere around 100,000 THB. Maybe $4,000 USD at today’s exchange rate.

A ladyboy who has a dick can have sex with a guy or girl, sure.

A ladyboy who is cut (had the sex change operation to change genders) can usually receive male partners in their new vagina, though it may not be a well-done operation.

Do ladyboys like women too?

Sometimes, yes. I think maybe even the majority also like women. They play around, they are often bisexual and enjoy girls too.

Do ladyboys like oral sex?

Not sure. They sure DO IT though. They don’t seem to care at all about doing oral or anal. This is totally opposite to Thai women – with which you need an act of god… or roofies or something.

Do ladyboys have other ladyboys as relationship partners / significant others?

I’ve seen many ladyboy-ladyboy couples, yes. Is it the norm? I’d say no, but who knows what they do in their rooms together. I think there’s a lot of playing around with each other. They’re a friendly and playful group. Sometimes the really feminine ones get raped an awful lot.

There’s a power issue going on in groups of ladyboys too. If the ugly ones aren’t happy – because they look too much like a man they try to exert physical control over the pretty ones that are making more money and getting more attention.

If I come to Thailand on vacation where can I find a good ladyboy as a girlfriend?

I would say Udonthani, Ubon Ratchathani, or maybe Chiang Mai or somewhere away from the main pay for sex areas that tourists populate. The ladyboys I’ve met away form Pattaya, Patong, and Bangkok are very sweet on average and, if they haven’t worked in the sex-tourist areas – they’re a better bet for a girlfriend/partner since they won’t be looking at you as much like you’re only there for money. Or maybe they will.

How much is an operation to change a boy to a girl in Thailand?

In Thailand they start around 100,000 Thai baht, and this was in 2005. The rate probably increased considerably now. A hundred thousand baht is close to $4,000 USD today with the exchange rate. Most Thai ladyboys don’t get an exceptional job done as it’s just too expensive. However, there are some that have OUTSTANDING quality operations that you literally cannot tell anything is different by looking.

On the other end of the spectrum are the cheap or botched jobs that are not nice to look at and that can destroy a girl’s self concept. I’ve seen some very bad ones.

How many ladyboys have had the operation to change from biological boy to girl?

I’m going to guess that something like 98% of katoeys still have their units. I think that’s about right. But, it’s only a guess. I haven’t seen any studies done on this kind of thing.

Do Thai men like ladyboys?

They might insist they don’t, and then go secretly with one for oral sex. My landlord did this. He said many times he doesn’t like. Then, he saw one with big breasts one night as he dropped me off at a club. I came out and the ladyboy was getting out of his truck and wiping her mouth.

So – yes, but like most Thai culture – sexual goings on are kept private if possible. That’s the reason there are so damn many short time sex hotels all over the country. They are EVERYWHERE. Look for signs with the numbers “24” on them – meaning, open 24 hours. You can usually rent by the hour – or Thais’ can anyway, they might charge you a whole night.

Can I meet a ladyboy online?

You can, but there’s no point since you’ll have NO idea what you’re getting until you get here anyway. Don’t spend much time online chatting with them since you’ll find PLENTY when you come here. If you’re not coming here – what are you getting out of chatting with someone that doesn’t speak great English?

Where are the best places in Thailand to find a ladyboy for short-time sex?

Pattaya’s Walking Street is a good bet as are Patong’s Sois Bangla & Soi Katoey. Personally I stay away from Soi 6 in Pattaya, there are some NUTTY ladyboys there – violent and obnoxious. Sure there are some gems, but you might have to fight the ugly ladyboys to be able to get one out of the bar or upstairs in the short-time rooms.

What is a short-time sex tryst like with a ladyboy?

Much the same as a bar girl sex date. You meet a ladyboy, and depending how soon you want to get down to business you ask her how much for short-time and how much for long-time. You might opt for long-time if she says, “Up to you” like many of them do that want or need the money.

By saying “up to you” they will usually get more than the 500 baht that they’d typically ask for. They do this a lot with guys that seem like nice guys that haven’t been long term whore-mongers in Thailand the past few years. It’s hard to resist once they say that because what are you too cheap to pay what you think she’s worth at the end of the date?

It’s a good line. I like to hear it. When I have a good session I’d give 1000 for short time. If bad or horrible, 500. You must pay something because you don’t want a brick, bat, pole, or knife to the back of the head next time she sees you on the street and tells her friends and they beat the hell out of you for being so cheap that you stiffed her (gave nothing).

You’ll also want to ask if there’s a bar fine at the bar you find her at – even if she’s dancing at the stage at Soi Katoey in Patong Beach because she might be working for Tequila bar or something – you never know. You also might want to try your luck and wait out the night – until Tequila bar closes and take her without a barfine after that. Of course some other guy might not be so cheap and barfine her out from under your nose. It happens a LOT.

So, you agree on price first. You can do this within 2 minutes if you want. Up to you. Everything is up to you. You go to your hotel room. DON’T go to hers if you value your life, health or valuables. If she insists – tell her to take a walk. Find someone else. Lose your bar-fine and go find someone else. A 500 baht barfine isn’t worth your life. Tell her your going to YOUR room before you bar fine her – make sure she agrees.

Take a tuk-tuk, or a motorbike back to your hotel. Don’t agree to go anywhere else as she may be buying drugs or dropping them to someone. Don’t get caught NEAR drugs in Thailand – you’ve been warned. If you even smoke pot you’re opening yourself up to having additional charges added to your sentence, like possession of cocaine, yaba (crystal meth), heroin or something else so the police can extort money out of you before they send you to jail for smoking pot.

Go to your room. She’ll want to shower first. If you don’t want her to – tell her quick cuz she’ll jump right in there and expect you to also. If you don’t – she’ll be less than excited about sex with you – so, realize that and take a shower too – even if you JUST took one an hour before. Thais are CLEAN about sex – and yeah it kills the mood, but if you know it’s coming – you’ll be prepared and it won’t hurt so much.

Hit the bed and do whatever you can get away with. Some insist on rubber. Some not. Some do bbbj, some don’t. Some take it in the mouth. Some don’t. Most try to take it on their chest. Almost all will offer you the backdoor. If she’s cut – had the operation and has a working vagina – you’re best to insert some K-Y jelly – she’ll have some if you don’t. She may have already put it in while in the restroom.

Hmm, what else? 

After your first time – they may try to get out of staying all night if that’s what you planned. Offer her half the money you agreed on. Sometimes they’ll stay other times leave. Whatever, no sense someone staying if she’s not into it. If the night’s young, get someone else. There are hundreds of ladyboys in Patong Beach, Pattaya, and Bangkok. Never think you won’t find another you like. It will take 30 minutes max. If you’re into girls too it will take about 5 minutes.

She’ll take a tuk-tuk or motorbike taxi (or hers) back to the bar to try to get someone else to pay her barfine or she’ll go hang with friends since she already got a date and paid the bar – they have a quota to meet each month. You don’t have to call her ever again – but you probably shouldn’t barfine her friend that works the same bar next night – or THAT night either as a severe loss of face occurs – see Thai FACE section. Imperative.

Are all ladyboys thieves?

All ugly ones – yes. That’s my own belief. The ones that are on drugs also – a high percentage are thieves because they need to pay for their stuff, or they need to give money to their drug-addicted Thai boyfriends/pimps. The ladyboys that are sweet, quiet, cute, and making bank because they’re having sex every night and getting paid are not generally, thieves. They don’t need to be.

Are ladyboys violent?

They can be – yes. The ugly ones and the ones on drugs – just like the question above.

Are all ladyboys on drugs (yaba or other)?

No. There are many that are though. You can see who they are. The ones that are antsy, aggressive, obnoxious, loud, pushy, get offended easily are probably addicts.

Are there Thai girls that act like boys?

While there are many ladyboys here in Thailand there are also a lot of girls that dress and act a bit like men. Thais’ call them “Toms.”  They too are readily accepted in Thailand.

It seems that they fill a void created by Thai men. Thai men are seen as not really caring or attentive to the needs of their girlfriends and wives. They pretty much do as they want and don’t ask for permission – or forgiveness. They tend to do whatever it is they please. If the girlfriend wants to get away from him she may have a hard time because often they threaten the girl with violence or may actually hit the girl, choke her, threaten to kill her family, etc.  The usual jealous reaction that many have around the world.

I wasn’t really aware of Toms until I met a couple. One girl in a group of friends I know wasn’t that hot – and the other 3 were beautiful. During the course of knowing them the girls ‘outed’ the Tom by saying she liked girls and that she really liked young girls about 15 years old. This was completely normal for all of them to talk about their friend like this. When they did the girl pretended she was shy but I think she enjoyed the attention. 

I then began to ask other Thai friends I had about Toms among university and high school students. I found that there are many of them here.  Some are incognito, preferring not to dress differently. Some dress as feminine and you’d never have a clue. Sometimes you’ll see them out dating at restaurants with their beautiful Thai girl date. They seem to really get some STUNNING girlfriends. Many Tom smoke. If you see a Thai girl smoking – she is either a prostitute, grew up overseas, or is a Tom.

Oh, one more thing – Toms seem to want to get beautiful young girls who have access to a lot of money because, like uneducated Thai men, they want to live off the girl with money. I’ve seen this time after time. 

How do I tell a ladyboy from a true girl?

There are a few ways I’ll share that I know that I’m talking with ladyboys instead of a biological girl.

1. Ladyboys are tall and bigger framed. They are guys biologically. They have guy bone structure and muscles. They are a bit wider usually. Some have the amazing ability to slim their waist down to look like a very thin girl with big hips. These are very hard to detect as ladyboys, no matter how tall they are. They even have the two little dimples at the top of their ass. How do they GET THAT?

2. Adam’s apple – usually ladyboys have one that is rather obvious. They know this and go to great lengths trying to hide it with their clothes, hand, or something.

3. Veins in their arms and hands, forehead, anywhere really. Girls naturally have a higher percentage of fat under their skin which hides veins more.

4. When they speak they are quiet. Or, when they speak they have an unnatural voice. Or, when they speak they don’t have an even flowing kind of voice – it’s “not smooth tones connecting into smooth tones” if that makes any sense at all. I’m not sure how to explain this one.

5. They speak English better than most girls.

6. Do not even LOOK at hips or azz since they can have perfect women parts in these places. Their  hips may curve inward in a perfect hourglass figure… but might be a guy. Must be the estrogen pills.

7. When they are looking for guys (dates) they are obvious about it – not expertly covert like the Thai women. If you are looking at a Thai woman with an “interest” she will know quickly – and you may not even see her at the point of discovering you watching her. They are GOOD at this and NOT obvious. Ladyboys are much more obvious and stare back immediately – they are not shy about it at ALL. They may then make the first move to come and talk to you. A girl – maybe, but a ladyboy is more likely to.

8. Ladyboys are more aggressive with each other – more catty. More confrontational.

9. Ladyboys smoke more often than girls. You’ll rarely see girls smoke, ladyboys smoke more.

10. Ladyboys dress really well. Often they are better dressed than ANY woman in Thailand will be.

11. Experts in the ‘industry’ say that ladyboys have an upper arm – humerus – I think – that is shorter in proportion to a girl’s upper arm. Men have a shorter one. Girls usually have a longer one. This is why when you see a girl with a short upper arm it makes you feel strange – and the girl is not that attractive…

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